I don’t like the way my in-laws treat our children.
They’re very hard and cold in their approach. My mother-in-law recently told my daughter (12) that she’s silly and vain and will never achieve anything until she “bucks up her ideas’”.
My son is still devastated that he didn’t receive a birthday present from “Gran and Grumps” because of a tantrum he pulled at their house last January. My son is 7 years of age.
They said they wouldn’t buy him anything for his July birthday – and they stuck to that threat. The poor little lad didn’t even get a card. I’m still fuming.
My husband says they had tough upbringings. Both had alcoholic fathers and downtrodden mothers. They’re pretty well off now, but any money they’ve made has been through their own efforts.
I respect that, but why make life difficult for their own grandkids? My two are the only children they still see.
Their daughter (my husband’s sister) moved to Australia in 2016 and cut off all contact after a row over – you’ve guessed it – the way they bullied her three kids.
My mother-in-law and I have clashed more than once recently over my parenting style. She’s accused me of doing too much and insists that my kids have got to learn to be independent.
But we live in a little house in a little town. My two will be lucky if they even find jobs when they leave school, let alone buy a place of their own.
How dare they preach to me when my husband and I slog our guts out? It would be helpful if they were to put their hands in their pockets and help us out, but we’ve never had a penny.
Your in-laws are people with their own standards. No-one gave them a leg up, so they don’t see why they should provide handouts or sugarcoat their views.
That’s all very admirable, but you are the mother of your children and if you don’t like the way their Granny speaks to them, then you’re allowed to get cross.
Insist that if she has a problem in future, she comes straight to you with it.
Telling a 12-year old she’s “vain and silly” isn’t appropriate. And they’re not going to endear themselves to a seven-year-old boy by punishing him on his birthday.
Didn’t they learn anything from their daughter’s departure to Australia?
I think you’ve been patient and accommodating up until now as inter-generational relationships can be trying.
If they want to remain a part of your tight-knit circle, they need to be more flexible and helpful.
Orchestrate a family chat where you come clean and show your teeth. If they don’t want to give you cash then fine, but their love and respect will cost them nothing.
Your husband also has to get on side and support you 100% too.